im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
