if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
