Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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