Pants 0. Shit 1.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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