we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
