He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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