i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
