the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
