it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
