did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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