Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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