Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
