The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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