Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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