It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
