the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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