I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
