Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
