Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
