I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
