I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
