At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
