now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
