she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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