I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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