I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
