You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
