so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
