It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
