JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
