I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
