The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
