So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
