Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Fuck appropriateness.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
