You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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