he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
