I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
