OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
