she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
