dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
