your thong is hanging out like whoa
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
