Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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