i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
