I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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