Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
