the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
