Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
