roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
