You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
