woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
